“We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it begins. Overthinking. Fantasizing. Imagining. Expecting. Worrying. Doubting. Just let it naturally evolve.” -Unknown
I have this tendency to think way into the future, which can be very frustrating. They say you should enjoy the moment / live in the present, which I do, but I still can’t help but think about the future. No amount of inspirational quotes I come across online can help me with this problem of mine. And the problem is, half the time, I wasted my time thinking/worrying/stressing about the future, because what I expected to happen didn’t even end up happening. Let me share a few examples.
When I like someone, I already start to think about a potential future with him before it’s anywhere near official… heck, before the first date even. Is he marriage material? Can I introduce this guy to my parents? Will my friends like him? Can I grow old with him? Last year, I decided to finally try out one of those dating apps. I came across this one person that interested me. He was born in another continent than from where I was, his first language was different than mine, and his religion was different than mine. I must have been stressed for weeks, thinking if it worked out, how would I break it to my parents. I thought about how the language barrier would make it difficult for him and my parents/older relatives to connect. I found out he was ill the previous year and worried that maybe this may mean there’s a chance we won’t be able to grow old together (-_- … I know, I’m too much). Honestly, I thought way more into it than I should have because at the end, he mentioned he was just looking for something casual. It eventually ended because that’s not what I want (obviously lol). I thought to myself how lame I was for wasting so much time worrying about a future that wasn’t even certain. I could have saved myself some white hairs from all that thinking! With regards to dating, I guess I can justify my tendency to think far ahead because I am getting older and I don’t feel like I should be wasting my time with someone if I can’t see myself marrying him.
But I do this for everything though, including job interviews. Last year I had an interview and was 80% confident that I would get the job. I was thinking about how happy I would be to start a new job that I may like. I could finally be one of those people that say when you do what you enjoy, work doesn’t feel like work (or something along those lines…I’m tired). I thought about how I would break it to my manager that I was going to quit. Was she going to hate me for quitting? I thought about how I could organize my schedule in order to work a full time and part time job at the same time considering the job I applied for was only a temporary contract position. If I quit my current job, there was a possibility of me being unemployed if my contract doesn’t get extended. So did I get that job at the end? Nope. Did I waste myself stressing out about a future that wasn’t certain? Yep.
So where am I going with all this? I don’t really know. I may just be blabbering/venting. A similar situation just occurred today, which led me to writing this post. I was so hopeful that it would happen and got carried away thinking about all sorts of things about the future, only to realize it was all just a waste of time. I feel like if I could just learn to live in the present and take it day by day instead of looking far ahead into the future, I wouldn’t be so disappointed/crushed when things don’t go right. Easier said than done of course. It’s such an annoying trait of mine! I am a planner. I like to plan out how things will happen so I have an idea of what to expect. Planning ahead can be a good thing at times, but as you can see in my situation, it can be unhelpful at times as well. Sighs…
** Featured image is by Jean Jullien **